The solace of Battlefield

So, I've been really busy at work, because I've got a new job and I've needed to finish up things at the old one. And I've been needing my sleep. Plus, I've been watching the whole Buffy -series, again. And Battlefield just had to go. I've been playing maybe once a week this last month. Which is probably more normal than playing every single night.

But when I do get back in the game, it's the same as always. This is my rush and my comfort.

I don't know if it's ADHD or just my personality, but I have an extreme need for input. I mean I really need to process information at all times, as long as I'm awake, or I get rather anxious and stressed out. I read, watch, listen to everything, all the time. And I get these hangups, like the idea that I should learn everything there is to know about shintoism, or hedgehogs or airplanes or whatever. And then I do, until I lose interest because something else grabbed me. So in a sense I'm often scattered, torn between interests, between different kinds of stimuli. And I'm in many respects a Jack of all trades, master of none. Life is rather loud and colorful to me and I exhaust myself trying to process everything.

But Battlefield is peace and quiet. It gives me input every single microsecond and I don't need to think about anything else. It's like being in the eye of the storm. It excites me by demanding much and makes me strangely calm at the same time. When I play by myself I prefer Close Quarters. The faster, the better. The more input, the calmer I get. The more hectic a game gets, the more I feel relieved of all my stress. I'm sure I'm not alone in this.

I suppose it could be a bad thing, like a drug. But if this is a drug it's the perfect one,  because it doesn't make me slow or dull or speeded or psychotic. It doesn't get in the way of other things. So I'm perfectly happy being a BF junkie.

And I guess it's me and the fps:es forever and ever. Can't wait for BF4...and the PS4.

So why did I die?

Well, yesterday it seemed once again, that if there is no grenade around, I will run in a random direction and find one. At one time there was a grenade resting gently in the middle of the little plaza by the Seine Crossing C-flag. Me, obviously worrying that the poor grenade would never be able to fulfill its killing destiny, ran all the way up the stairs from the A-flag, straight at it and all but threw myself on it.

The things I will do to make grenades happy...

Welcome back. Not.

After ten days of holiday I returned to the battlefield. First round was a little awkward, I was basically trying to get my aim back, wondering if someone had messed with my sensitivity while I was gone, because it felt way too high. But alas, it was just me. The second round I had my shit together again, and our little clan was doing really well. Well, until we were banned.

Ten days and I had forgotten the depths of admin immaturity.

 

Now, one question. Why do I have to "accept"? I don't get the option "do not accept" because there is no point in that. I just get simple information: "You have been banned from this server", why can't it just say "close"? Nitpicking, I know. But it annoys me more than being banned. 

The Detox and the Writing

It's been Christmas. I've been away and I am still away visiting family far up north in Sweden, eating incredible amounts of food, playing with the kids and freezing my fingers and toes off. And I haven't been playing for a little more than a week. But of course I could not go a week without thinking of the battlefield, so when I had the chance to write something for this swedish gaming blog that I really, really like, I wrote about Battlefield and gaming as female. Duh.

For you swedes, my guest column is at http://www.svampriket.se/2012/12/2012-att-vinna-ar-att-vara-en-man/. (Och om ni inte redan gör det, följ svampriket.se, det är verkligen Sveriges mysigaste spelblogg.)

For you non-swedes, I'm sorry, but google translate will torture and murder our language, please do not visit such horror on my little piece of writing.

I estimate my return to Battlefield to take place on New Year's day, and by then I will probably get motion sickness just trying to move.

I need a word!

I need to find a word that describes a very very bad surprise, which isn't really a surprise because you've encountered it countless times before but you still don't really expect it because you can't expect it every single time, so it still happens because you only kinda, half-knew it. A seriously bad non-surprise. That you hate.

Like C4 on flags in domination.

We could rename that mode C4 mode.

But I still need a word for that kind of really bad non-surprise.

Playing tag

I'd forgotten how much fun it is to knife people! We were at a TDM at Noshar Canals and I got a couple of knife kills, decided that I should try to get myself a melee ribbon - I very rarely get those since I usually forget my knife - and i ended up with 16 knife kills. I laughed the whole game through, and it was just great fun, giving me a little challenge in that kind of chaos.

I will definitely be doing that again, so watch your backs :)

Still sniping. Still dying.

Thing is, I am beginning to realise that one kill with a bolt action sniper rifle is easily as rewarding as 10 assault rifle kills. The satisfation of nailing that headshot with one perfect bullet (particularly if the recipient of said bullet is running or jumping) just cannot compare to mowing people down while running and gunning.

I just wish I was better at it. But then again, I once sucked at all things BF3 and now i don't.

The importance of wanting to win. And spawn beacons.

Yesterday, me and Geefat joined a round where we were down by about 700 tickets, and trapped in our base. It was Metro, we were US and the other team were just spawn killing us down in the tunnels. They had hardly lost a ticket - the score was about 1500 -800, in their favour. A hopeless game.

So I went as recon with a M5K and an xbow with scan bolts. I scanned the tunnel ahead of me to be able to flank as safely as possible, and I got through to A where I put up a spawn beacon as well hidden as I could though I was in a hurry. And then we took A. We were joined by HydrothaBlaster so there were three of us in the squad and we just continued to harass A.

Everytime I died I just spawned back to A and put a spawn beacon up again. Geefat and Hydro contined to spawn in at A, cleaning out the opposition, and sometimes went pushing for B and C, killing people off and capping, while I stayed at A at all times, forcing the other team to constantly split up and deal with me.

Even if I was alone I could still cap the flag, so they had to have people at A at all times. And still we took that flag over and over. And of course, by doing so, our team got a chance to take both C and B. Which they did. They didn't give up, they didn't settle for sniping out of our deployment. They wanted to win and they went on a rampage. The top two guys in our team ended up with 167 and 174 kills.

And the enemy was suddenly constantly on the bleed. They could not hold on to their closest base and were stuck mostly with B, where they died and died, while the bleed just counted down their tickets.

I sometimes had more than a whole squad of enemies busy chasing only me. Which is a waste of resources on their side, but if they don't, well, then our team keeps A, they have enemies coming at them from both sides and the bleed won't stop. And they killed me over and over, but I killed them a little more, and I came right back. I can't imagine their frustration not being able to leave A without seeing it start to blink again.

We won. We won by 152 tickets.

Thing is, I finished 10th in my team scorewise, kd 65-42, but I felt incredilby satisfied because I knew that I was essential in turning that game around. And more than I ever felt when I get the MVP-ribbon, I felt like a valuable player. We freaking won.

Good game. Good game.

Sniping 101

I am trying to learn how to handle bolt action sniper rifles. They are a bitch! And by bitch, as usual, I mean they are awesome but not particularly user friendly.

Since I'll never be the kind of player who patiently waits on a rooftop for someone to saunter by, and maybe get ten kills if I'm lucky and many travel that route, I slapped an ACOG on a M40A5 and went medium distance agressive sniping.

By that I mean I first ran around with the iron sights on the thing to even unlock the god damned ACOG, since I had zero kills with the M40A5 before embarking on this little adventure. I am just not a natural sniper.

Target aquiring is hard. Positioning yourself is hard. Switching to pistol if the first shot fails to kill is not so hard, but often results in me getting killed. The hardest part is not to be the first one running for the flag. I always, always go for the objective, it's hard wired into my brain. I see that orange diamond and i have to go. I have to. Pulling back and trying to protect your team mates from a defensive position is just a totally different playing style.

I am dying a lot now. I'm starting to feél all noobish again.

But I will frakking learn how to do this.

I knew it!

Fascinating little video about the long term beneficial effects of fast paced action games - like Battlefield 3s. Playing online shooters seems to help you learn, focus, multitask and of course, improve your spatial intelligence.

Going gold

I'm now a colonel100. I reached shit bucket status yesterday and I now rock the golden tags that bears testimony to my obsession. I would have gotten there sooner, if I hadn't made my sistermachinegun account a colonel 20 in a parallell battlefield universe. And I'm kinda happy about having her - sistermachinegun is my retirement plan or something like it.


Because what now? I just go on? No more promotions? No more stars or eagles in ever shinier colours?


I feel so empty now.


But golden still.

Trouble reading?

Yesterday I kicked and then banned a guy on my team for repeatedly putting C4 on the flags despite that being the only rule on my server - do not C4 the flags. Don't do it. Because it's a cheap tactic that empties servers like no other weapon or tactic can ever do. I don't like rules, but I have found that when people start dying on flags from C4, they leave. And I want people to have a good time on my server.


Anyway. I got the usual whining message sent to me. This time it was "fucking pussy wanker". So I replied that the rule is no C4 on flags and he actually had the benefit of being warned first. Then he replied that he didn't put the C4 ON the flag, he put it BY the flag. (For an example, he had put it all over the bar desk by A at Operation 925.)


I found this hilarious. What, in his mind you can't put the C4 on the flagpole? On the fabric of the actual flag? I told him that he put it in the fuckin flag cap zone every time, and urged him to think this through.


He answered "Pussy. Think about that"


So I said since I'm a woman, I kinda like having a pussy but don't think much about it. Unlike him who seems to think about it a lot but probably don't have any.


So as always, we go from annoyance to insults and end in the eternal question of The Pussy. Be one, have one, want it... But use it as an insult, and you fail. Because, well - "having balls" as a metaphor for being tough is stupid. They are the most unpractical and sensitive body parts ever made. No, as someone once said, it's the pussy that can take a pounding.

Think about that.

Happy shopping joy!

There are now ladies T-shirts in the DICE store. Unfortunately, the one I want is only available in large. And XL. And XXL. Come on! I'll drown in that!


But tho other ones were nice too. I'll get a couple.

Nerf the corners

Today at work I ran into a colleague coming round a corner while holding a cup of coffee. Coffee disaster ensued. And once again I remind myself: Do. Not. Run. Around. Corners.

Just peek a little. How hard could it be?

EDIT: Geefat just pointed out to me, that the peeking tactic would cause other people some concern if applied out in the streets of Stockholm. I don't know. You still need to keep the coffee stain ratio on a reasonable level.

Squading up in mysterious ways

Fun thing I realized: When I wrote this abouy playing the game while drunk and sending strange messages to random team members, two of the ones I sent those messages to were the two excellent players I since then have played the most with, and the ones I have most thoroughly enjoyed playing with and talking to. So here's to Geefat and Treton04, awesomest dudes in digital Iran :)

Go to sleep

When you've been playing for five hours, and it's 2:30 AM, and your clan mate just told you he died because he's so tired he accidentally set himself on fire, and you go to revive him, but you are so tired you steer off a cliff and die. That's the sign that you should go to bed.

Guns too are people

I just like the names and nicknames. I like the sound of "AS VAL", especially if you don't read it as A.S, but as one word. It sounds like an alien planet, or the royal guard in some fantasy setting. It is a rigid, strong name, but with a tinge of the exotic.

If As Val was a person she would be someone with a strong will and high standards - but an odd set of morals and values.

"Pecheneg" - now thats a name with a lot of character. It has a dirtier sound, more worn. More stubborn, like a bloody nose and a cracked tooth. Someone named Pecheneg must be someone who never ever gives up, someone who walks fifty miles across the desert and then runs for another ten. You wouldn't be able to reason with Pecheneg, because he just won't listen.

Now the AN-94 is called "Abakan". Just listen to that - Abakan. Abakan is a wizard, one of a kind, a trickster, a sarcastic scientist with a wicked smile. I think he would be kinda sexy too.

Famas is a romantic and a poet. Scar is a woman who would freeze you with her stare.

I think I have all the people I need for a novel.

The comfort of home

It's been a year now. A year of Battlefield 3. Last year at about this time, the beta had closed and I was obsessed. I counted the days. When the game dropped I ran from work to pick it up and posted a picture of myself holding it, just to tease my husband who worked late and would be hours behind me when he got home.

Do you remember those weird bugs and glitches? Like the turtlenecks on prone soldiers? I miss them.

I have played close to a thousand hours total on my three accounts. Of those hours, I probably spent the most time on Metro, Seine Crossing and Grand Bazaar. But I know them all so well. Caspian Border, Noshahr canals, Operation Firestorm. Ziba Tower. Strike at Karkand. Donya Fortress. Gulf of Oman. These are real places to me. I have been there. Nowadays, they feel like home. I know every corner, every angle of them. I know exactly from where you can shoot at what with which gun. I know where people will go and where they will run.

And I do not tire.

Still every round is different.

Every round, I find myself in some new situation and I need to make snap decisions to survive or reach an objective.

And still, I see things I've never seen before. Last night, a bicycle came flying through the air from across the map and landed on the head of the guy I was shooting at. He died and I'm not sure if it was the bike or me.

I live longer now.  I plan far ahead.

I don't get as upset anymore when I die, I mostly just respawn and focus.

I think I have changed much more than the game has. For all the tweaks and patches and DLC, it is still what it was in the beta. You are given a setting, tools and an objective. Go. But I, I have changed so much more as a player of the game and as a gamer overall.

A year down the road, me and BF3 has settled, moved in together, established routines. I often recognise the names of one or two of the players in a round, having played with or against them before. Out of the millions of players there is, I'd say that is a sign that I'm getting comfortable here in digital Iran.

And there is no place like home.

I will judge you

I am an open minded person. By that, I mean basically two things: First, I am more than fairly tolerant and accepting in regards to people's behaviours and backgrounds.

Second, I can change my opinion if I have cause to do so. If you first come off as a jerk, I will give you a second chance. If I don't agree with your opinion, you might convince me. I say might.

However, if you send me stupid messages, I will judge you.

I will judge you.

If you're going to send me messages and ask me to play, wondering what I'm doing away from BF3, please don't phrase it like this:

"this game needs some sexy"

"wish u were here with me"

"naaaawww, come on my blonde nurse, just one game?"

"make it hot in here"'

Two strikes and you are out. Do not presume that I have any sexual/romantic interest in you. Do not send messages to me of a kind that you would not send to any other male BF-buddy. It actually makes me sad and angry, because when you do that, you are telling me that the main or only reason you are playing with me is not because I'm fun to play with, that I perform well or that we generally get along, but because I have tits and you are fantasizing about me and making stuff up in your head about me.

If I know you well enough, I don't mind a little banter, and my jokes can be as dirty as anyone's - but if you had bothered to find anything out about me you'd know that:

1)  I think it is ridiculous to try and pick up girls through BF3, and if you try you must be very lonely - which is not my problem, so don't make it my problem. Focus on the game and PTFO. That goes between rounds too. I'm not going to go from "shit, there's only nine more tickets left!" to "sure, big boy, sex me up"

2) : If I want to flirt or if I'm in the mood for some dirty talk, the person I'm interested in doing that with will know. I assure you. I would make your head spin.

 If you can't understand and respect that a woman gets bothered and annoyed at the constant barrage of what social misfits would mistake for flirting, and you somehow think you are very special and you're the only one who came up with the idea sending these kinds of messages, think again. I'm in a shit storm of sometimes rather creepy sexual attention that I didn't ask for by being born with a high pitched voice and a taste for gaming. If you like to jack off to the fantasy of a gamer chick, by all means do, but don't fucking inform me about it.

Now fuck off.

I'll take that machine gun, please.

How could I have overlooked the M240B? With a foregrip and flash suppressor that thing will leave entire squads and all their friends at your feet.

I got a brand new baby.