Nerf the corners

Today at work I ran into a colleague coming round a corner while holding a cup of coffee. Coffee disaster ensued. And once again I remind myself: Do. Not. Run. Around. Corners.

Just peek a little. How hard could it be?

EDIT: Geefat just pointed out to me, that the peeking tactic would cause other people some concern if applied out in the streets of Stockholm. I don't know. You still need to keep the coffee stain ratio on a reasonable level.

Squading up in mysterious ways

Fun thing I realized: When I wrote this abouy playing the game while drunk and sending strange messages to random team members, two of the ones I sent those messages to were the two excellent players I since then have played the most with, and the ones I have most thoroughly enjoyed playing with and talking to. So here's to Geefat and Treton04, awesomest dudes in digital Iran :)

Go to sleep

When you've been playing for five hours, and it's 2:30 AM, and your clan mate just told you he died because he's so tired he accidentally set himself on fire, and you go to revive him, but you are so tired you steer off a cliff and die. That's the sign that you should go to bed.

Guns too are people

I just like the names and nicknames. I like the sound of "AS VAL", especially if you don't read it as A.S, but as one word. It sounds like an alien planet, or the royal guard in some fantasy setting. It is a rigid, strong name, but with a tinge of the exotic.

If As Val was a person she would be someone with a strong will and high standards - but an odd set of morals and values.

"Pecheneg" - now thats a name with a lot of character. It has a dirtier sound, more worn. More stubborn, like a bloody nose and a cracked tooth. Someone named Pecheneg must be someone who never ever gives up, someone who walks fifty miles across the desert and then runs for another ten. You wouldn't be able to reason with Pecheneg, because he just won't listen.

Now the AN-94 is called "Abakan". Just listen to that - Abakan. Abakan is a wizard, one of a kind, a trickster, a sarcastic scientist with a wicked smile. I think he would be kinda sexy too.

Famas is a romantic and a poet. Scar is a woman who would freeze you with her stare.

I think I have all the people I need for a novel.

The comfort of home

It's been a year now. A year of Battlefield 3. Last year at about this time, the beta had closed and I was obsessed. I counted the days. When the game dropped I ran from work to pick it up and posted a picture of myself holding it, just to tease my husband who worked late and would be hours behind me when he got home.

Do you remember those weird bugs and glitches? Like the turtlenecks on prone soldiers? I miss them.

I have played close to a thousand hours total on my three accounts. Of those hours, I probably spent the most time on Metro, Seine Crossing and Grand Bazaar. But I know them all so well. Caspian Border, Noshahr canals, Operation Firestorm. Ziba Tower. Strike at Karkand. Donya Fortress. Gulf of Oman. These are real places to me. I have been there. Nowadays, they feel like home. I know every corner, every angle of them. I know exactly from where you can shoot at what with which gun. I know where people will go and where they will run.

And I do not tire.

Still every round is different.

Every round, I find myself in some new situation and I need to make snap decisions to survive or reach an objective.

And still, I see things I've never seen before. Last night, a bicycle came flying through the air from across the map and landed on the head of the guy I was shooting at. He died and I'm not sure if it was the bike or me.

I live longer now.  I plan far ahead.

I don't get as upset anymore when I die, I mostly just respawn and focus.

I think I have changed much more than the game has. For all the tweaks and patches and DLC, it is still what it was in the beta. You are given a setting, tools and an objective. Go. But I, I have changed so much more as a player of the game and as a gamer overall.

A year down the road, me and BF3 has settled, moved in together, established routines. I often recognise the names of one or two of the players in a round, having played with or against them before. Out of the millions of players there is, I'd say that is a sign that I'm getting comfortable here in digital Iran.

And there is no place like home.

I will judge you

I am an open minded person. By that, I mean basically two things: First, I am more than fairly tolerant and accepting in regards to people's behaviours and backgrounds.

Second, I can change my opinion if I have cause to do so. If you first come off as a jerk, I will give you a second chance. If I don't agree with your opinion, you might convince me. I say might.

However, if you send me stupid messages, I will judge you.

I will judge you.

If you're going to send me messages and ask me to play, wondering what I'm doing away from BF3, please don't phrase it like this:

"this game needs some sexy"

"wish u were here with me"

"naaaawww, come on my blonde nurse, just one game?"

"make it hot in here"'

Two strikes and you are out. Do not presume that I have any sexual/romantic interest in you. Do not send messages to me of a kind that you would not send to any other male BF-buddy. It actually makes me sad and angry, because when you do that, you are telling me that the main or only reason you are playing with me is not because I'm fun to play with, that I perform well or that we generally get along, but because I have tits and you are fantasizing about me and making stuff up in your head about me.

If I know you well enough, I don't mind a little banter, and my jokes can be as dirty as anyone's - but if you had bothered to find anything out about me you'd know that:

1)  I think it is ridiculous to try and pick up girls through BF3, and if you try you must be very lonely - which is not my problem, so don't make it my problem. Focus on the game and PTFO. That goes between rounds too. I'm not going to go from "shit, there's only nine more tickets left!" to "sure, big boy, sex me up"

2) : If I want to flirt or if I'm in the mood for some dirty talk, the person I'm interested in doing that with will know. I assure you. I would make your head spin.

 If you can't understand and respect that a woman gets bothered and annoyed at the constant barrage of what social misfits would mistake for flirting, and you somehow think you are very special and you're the only one who came up with the idea sending these kinds of messages, think again. I'm in a shit storm of sometimes rather creepy sexual attention that I didn't ask for by being born with a high pitched voice and a taste for gaming. If you like to jack off to the fantasy of a gamer chick, by all means do, but don't fucking inform me about it.

Now fuck off.