torsdag 31 maj 2012

FAMAS the Avenger

Update from DICE regarding the stat tracking problem. Appearently if someone - any player in a round, not just you - uses the FAMAS, it interrupts stat tracking for everybody on that server. 

It's easily the sickest bug so far. Now the trolls don't have to settle for pulling out the M26, doing 408 damage per shot, they can also rock the FAMAS and shut down the stat tracking for everyone.

I find it amusing though, in an ironic kind of way, thinking that the FAMAS now is visiting its revenge on us for the crippling nerf it got last patch. That weapon has gone from OP to UP and now its glitched?! Some french gun god is not pleased with the BF3 community and has decided to destroy us all.

Bow before me, puny players.

onsdag 30 maj 2012

Bugs, bugs

The third time I got my 48:th service star with the AEK-971 I started to suspect something was not right. Battlelog hasn't recorded my stats for like three days. Huh.

Beautiful!

lördag 26 maj 2012

Justify my love


I don't know if it's ok to love Battlefield this much. I am a grown woman. I have a garden to grow.

Maybe it's because I don't fit into the fps-stereotype. None of my friends play games (except for Rumble and Drawsome and Farmville and...you know) I can't tell my friends I had such a great round on Operation Firestorm last night. And if I tell them deadie spawned on me they will assume I just offered way too much information about our sex life.

It's like I carry this bad conscience around that I wouldn't have had if I had spent two hours every week night watching TV or sewing curtains or something.

Or maybe it's the perception that all other interests are hobbies, but computer games are an addiction. Have you ever heard of anyone badly addicted to golf? Reading? Painting? But if I spend 200 hours on Dragon Age, people get worried.
Games is an amazing medium, and we are only at the beginning. And as an artform - people who don't game don't understand how many creative, artistic decisions that go into making a game. What it means to be the actor inside the artwork. The feel of it, the memories, the experiences.

Instead, you have to defend it. Or make up things that games are good for. "You get really fast thumbs!" As if laughing and crying and cursing at the game is not enough, it needs to be useful too. How useful is a carousel? A painting of a boat? A mystery novel? And all this is worse when it coes to fps:es. It is seen as immature, as a pastime for children - but still, no, no, children should not play such wicked games.

Women shouldn't play such games either. It is obvious, because in the gaming world women are often treated as, well, game characters. Game + woman = game woman, meaning a sexualized object. In the fantasies of gamers I meet online, I have DDD cups and am playing the game naked except for my bikini armour. And those who realize it is not so, act resentful and bitter about it, like they were cheated out of something, and instead decide that  you are a cunt, an attention whore, a fat bitch. 
It's weird when you are none of the above at all. Just a gamer.
 
And outside of the virtual world, oh my. I went into my local game store to buy a new headset. The guy behind the counter asked me "Who is it for?" Well who the fuck do you think it's for? My dog? The Battlefield keychain and the Nemesis dog tag tank top under my suit jacket didn't tip you off?
 
I wish I could explain how beautiful it is by the Caspian Border when the sun glares over the hills and through the foliage. What it feels like to break out with your squad when the enemy has all the flags, to flank, to turn the game around. To make that impossible head shot. To get to your squad mate in time to revive him. It may be a totally useless thing to do, with no function in the real reality where I live, but I really don't want to make up excuses as to why I do it.

I do all those other things. I feed banana peels to my roses. I do the laundry.

And I love Battlefield. I'm sorry. But that is my real reality.

söndag 20 maj 2012

Best loadout ever?

If I really, really cared about my stats I would've had nightmares last night. Instead I dreamed of Mario Kart with EOD-bots. We started playing at around 19:30 yesterday (that's 7.30 PM), and had a couple of rounds, doing so so, you know, win some, lose some. Spent way too much time on Kharg Island. It was me, deadie, Geefat, Treton04 and Gruby_Dupek. Vatreni007 and his clan joined in for a while and we just didn't have enough room for everybody in the squad. 4 slots is not a lot, really.

It was a fun night of BF3 and I didn't want to quit, although it was getting really late and my accuracy was, um, no longer accurate. At about 02:00 it was just me, deadie and Geefat left, and that's when we had the idea we never would have had five hours earlier. We started to choose some seriously stupid loadouts for each other.

We started off using only the EOD-bots. Three EOD-bots in a row just racing down the streets of Seine Crossing, crashing, jumping, twisting around the feet of the enemy. They must have been terrified, with the WALL-E squad chasing them. I actually managed to arm an M-com, so I did something useful. But I went 2-12 that round, half of those deaths being suicides just to get myself a new WALL-E.

The next round we chose the USAS-12 for Metro. I know what you're thinking. Shotguns on Metro=killing spree. But we put 7x scopes on them. And flechette rounds. No hipfire. Good luck. A while into the round we were all lying down, camping the same corner looking down the same corridor. All we could see was the tile pattens on the walls. And then deadie tells us they are coming from behind.

Next loadout, and once again we're on Metro, is the SKS with IRNV and soflams. We put soflams everywhere. It was actually not that stupid, because they will blind players, and are easily mistaken for laser sights so they turned out to be rather decent decoys. But a sniper rifle with a scope that will not work past 30 meters - 10 meters in daylight - I laughed myself to tears.
I think it cost me 30 deaths. But oddly enough I didn't care too much. Usually I will curse my tongue black if I have just one minus kill, but I had insane amounts of fun, and I guess that is the point of the game anyway.

And I wonder what those people we actually managed to gun down were thinking when they saw our loadouts on the killcam. 7x scope och flechette? They must be total idiots.

Probably.

söndag 13 maj 2012

Lagbyten. There's a time and there is a place.

Igår hade jag den sämsta rundan sedan jag började spela. Det var fruktansvärt. Eller nej, när jag säger att det var fruktansvärt underdriver jag katastrofen. Jag kan länka min battle report som en illustration. Det gör fan ont att titta på den.

På grund av balanseringen från tidigare matcher hade jag hamnat ensam i mitt lag, medan deadie spelade med Treton04 och Geefat, två jättetrevliga skåningar som har hängt på min server länge, och vet hur man spelar bf3. Jag kunde inte byta lag för vi var betydligt många färre och låg under så stort - och jag menar inte att jag inte kunde per se, jag är admin och kan flytta folk som jag vill, utan jag gjorde inte det för att det är inte snyggt. Jag bet i det sjukt sura äpplet och dog 30 gånger. Jag spelade i det laget i säkert fem rundor innan jag kunde hoppa över. Men ingen annan runda gick så vansinnigt dåligt som den här.

Vi hade några spelare i vårt lag som klarade sig bra individuellt, en Mrs_Obama bland annat (rolig gamertag), men framför allt en kille, som låg som MVP. Han var väl en av anledningarna till att vi inte blev spawn trapped i vår deployment, han tog ut deras fordon och spelade typ tusen gånger bättre än jag den matchen.

När rundan äntligen började gå mot sitt slut hoppar han över till det andra, vinnande och numerärt överlägsna laget. Jag märkte inte det först, jag var för upptagen med att sprängas, skjutas och köras över. Men deadie blir skitsur och kickar honom. Det är första och enda gången någon kickats från servern utan att ha kört med M26. Men deadie tyckte det var så dålig stil att han ville inte ha honom i sitt lag, och ärligt talat ville jag inte ha honom i mitt heller - hur nyttig han än var - om han överger laget för att slippa en förlust.

Sedan spenderade deadie hela nästa runda med att diskutera med honom. Han var antagligen övertygad om att han kickades för att han var mvp eller nåt, och hotade med att rapportera hit och dit. När deadie skrev att han kickades för att han dumpade sitt lag, skrev han bara "yeah sad team". Det kanske blir så när man lägger för mycket vikt vid sina stats. Killen är rank 145, en effektiv spelare och jag gissar att han har en snygg w/l ratio. Och att det är viktigt för honom. Hans förklaring var att han skulle joina sin kompis i det andra laget. Men varför inte göra det i början av rundan? Vid kartbyte? Eller att hans kompis byter och går in med honom i det lag som desperat behöver fler spelare, bra spelare?

Jag ska byta min server description - ny regel: don't be a dick.

lördag 5 maj 2012

Being a woman who loves BF3 means...

...getting a squad mate who runs across the whole map to throw himself into the crossfire at the Grand Bazaar alleyway to "protect" you. As if  your assault avatar was somehow more vulnerable and weak than the others - and even though you currently outscore him by 2000 points and 8 kills. (Dude, you are blocking my view! And what the hell were you doing on the other side of the map earlier, anyway?)
Then you will hear that same person calling everyone bitches and pussies and whores, as if being labelled as "female" is the worst thing you could do to someone.

Sigh.
Now, if you are using "whore" as an insult and offer to "rape" people, I will assume you hate women. I'm sorry, but I have learned it is better to err on the side of caution in these matters. And here's a tip: If you happen to find a lady in your team, try to remember that this game does not offer points for medieval behaviour, which you can later trade in for boobs IRL. And if you happen to come across a woman in the opposite team, just behave like a normal person and gun her down.

torsdag 3 maj 2012

What the hell...

I am so bad. I am so bad at this I suck fucking horses ass. Shitty fucking game, I hate it. I swear will never play it again. Go to hell, Battlefield. Fuck!